Friday, August 10, 2012

5 Unpleasant Spider-Man facts

Guess who turned 50 this year (except for my dad!)?
Your own friendly neighborhood, the wall crawling wonder: Spider-Man!! And, I must confess that Spider-Man is my favorite superhero second only after the caped crusader himself! 

Spider-Man, created by Stan "The Man" Lee and Steve Ditko debuted in the Amazing Fantasy#15 back in August 1962, and 50 years hence Spider-Man is the face of Marvel Comics!
I have been re-reading all "The Amazing Spider-Man" titles till date right from the very 1st issue, and I decided to share 5 unpleasant, annoying and even disgusting facts from Peter Parker's life. Before, we move on to the list, let me point out that Peter Parker's life is a total screw-up! He has had problems with his girl-friends, his aunt, his foul-mouthed boss, his married life with Mary Jane and the fact that he blames himself for his uncle's untimely demise (and Gwen Stacy's murder at the hands of the Green Goblin)

“One of these days you’ll give me an ulcer!”

Back in the issue #113 of "The Amazing Spider-Man", Peter's Aunt has been missing now for quite sometime. Meanwhile, Parker obviously searching for his "frail" aunt has to simultaneously deal with both Doc Ock and his rival Hammerhead, who are fighting for control over the underworld. At a certain point Peter confronts Doc Ock, and squirts his webbing on his visor to loosen his grip over him. Just when he is about to fight back, the wall crawler is struck by painful cramps and is forced to flee. Afterwards, when Dr. Bromwell diagnoses him (using a stethoscope ONLY!!) and it is revealed that Peter is suffering from an ulcer!!
I mean c'mon!! One of the greatest superheroes of all time has to call a day off and run away from a super-powered showdown owing to the spicy Mexican food he had for lunch? Only, if he were Batman! He might have carried antacid pills in his utility belt!

Uncle Ock?

Remember that time when Aunt May went missing? She managed to land up a job at Doc Ock's hideout, as a maid at his estate. Aunt May apparently inherits a nuclear facility on some Canadian island, the mad doctor wanted to make the most out of this opportunity and proposes to marry May, to which she agrees.

Had it not been an untimely intervention from Hammerhead, it would have been an 
utterly disgusting occurrence! And, I sincerely appeal to the Marvel Comics, please
for God's sake never ever publish a "What if..." title where this unholy union actually happens!!

“Flat-top my cousin?”

If marrying Doc Ock, wasn't enough Aunt May got remarried to John Jonah Jameson Sr., father to our very own foul mouthed, spider hating, flat topped publisher J. Jonah Jameson Jr.!! A total set-back!! Yes!! Poor Peter even accidentally bumped into their room, while they were making out!! *pukes* Marrying Doc Ock is one thing, but J.J.J.? Seriously?

Happily “un”married

Peter and Mary Jane get married in “The Amazing Spider-Man” Annual #27, 1987. After 20 years of a(n) (ab)normal married life, the couple is forced to strike a deal with Mephistopheles in an attempt to save Aunt May's life. Their part of the deal being that their marriage be erased from the timeline itself, as if they were never ever married! In exchange of which, Mephisto restored May’s health and erased Spider-Man’s secret identity from everyone’s minds, which had been revealed after Peter had unmasked himself publicly in the Civil War story arc.

This development was, sad and annoying, yet not as disgusting as the final instance on this list!

The time when Gwen cheated on Peter

The story arc "SinsPast" by J. Michael Straczynski in “The Amazing Spider-Man” #509-514 (August 2004 - January 2005) reveals Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin's alter ego, fathered twins, a boy and a girl, with Gwen Stacy, to whom she gave birth while in France shortly before her death. She vowed she would raise them with Peter and refused to allow Norman access to them. Seeing her as a threat to his potential heirs, the Green Goblin killed Gwen. Norman Osborn then raised Gwen's two children, a boy and a girl named Gabriel and Sarah. Due to Norman's enhanced blood, the twins aged about 2 to 3 times faster than normal and became adults within the span of a few years. Osborn told them Peter was really their father and was responsible for their mother's death.
The first time I read this story arc I was disgusted to the point that I decided to skip it when I re-read all the titles. Osborn defiled Gwen, Peter's first love and then murdered her! Norman Osborn is unlike any other super-villain. He is the devil incarnate himself! 

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